Mohawk On Display

“Hi. I hope you don’t mind my coming over here. It’s just, nobody else is around… Not that I wouldn’t come see you anyway! I just mean, well, you know how it is… You don’t mind, do you?

“It’s odd… I see you all over the place… I mean, not you, obviously, but they’re like you, sort of. If you think about it… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say it like that. I guess I’m just trying to say… hi.

“You’re not going to say anything, are you? That’s okay, I understand. Just let me know if I’m bothering you, okay? Although, I guess you can’t, can you? Don’t you have some way of… I don’t know. This is all very odd. No, not you. This. Us. Whatever this is called.

“I wish I could be like you. No, really. The way you’re just so… here. And real. Always. You know, I once had a dream, only it wasn’t a dream, it was real, sort of. I woke up, and… oh no. What is this? That’s horrible. Who did that to you? No, forget what I was saying, I’m so, so sorry… Does it hurt? Oh god…

“It’s all right to cry, you know. Can you? Maybe not. I’m sorry, I really am, I just don’t know how to do this… You’re so beautiful, and I just want to… oh. I’m touching you, aren’t I. Have I been doing it this whole time? I’m not making you uncomfortable, am I? It’s just, you’re so beautiful…

“But, you’re not always, are you? Sometimes you’re just there. I mean, that’s how some people see it. I try not to. Honest! It’s not really fair, is it? You don’t have any control over how you look. You can’t change that. So why do people judge you on it? It’s not fair! Just because it’s easy for them… I mean us… fuck.

“But I’m not always like that. I swear! I mean, just now, when I saw you, and it was just… I’m afraid I don’t know how to put this… When I saw you, I just felt like I had to kiss you.

“There. I’ve said it now. I want to kiss you. Is that okay? I feel like… like I know you. I know what you feel, sort of. You do have feelings, don’t you? God, what a horrible thing to ask. It’s just… I’ve felt it too. Once. I think. It was that dream… thing. I’ll tell you what happened. I promise.

“I was asleep one night. And in the morning, I woke up. And I couldn’t move. And… I was you. I knew, with utmost certainty, that I was just like you! And I felt… calm. At peace with the universe. Let me tell you, it was wonderful. So wonderful. But it was lonely, too. I’ve tried to tell people, and they don’t understand. They never could. But you, you understand.

“And that’s why I want… need… to kiss you. Can I? God, of course you can’t answer. Damn it! Okay, I need to… just… do it. One kiss, that’s all. I promise. Here we go…

“Oh! I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have supposed you… I mean… I have to go. I’m sorry… I’ll try to come back! I mean, I will come back! Eventually… Goodbye! Fuck.

The tree’s leaves rustled in the sudden breeze.

As some of you may know, I was recently heartbroken when my girlfriend left me.  It hurts, but I’m healing, and part of that process is putting my angst towards something productive, so that I don’t spend all my time wallowing in self-pity.  Although wallowing is fun, and not just because wallow is such an awesome word!  *wallows*

Anyway, getting to the point, I wrote a poem.  But not just any old poem - a love poem.  In haiku. But not just any old love haiku - a bilingual love haiku.  That means that it can be understood in two completely different languages.  And not only that, but one language is used primarily by humans, and the other is used primarily by computers! It’s a bilingual trans-species love poem haiku!

That’s right, all my loyal nerd readers.  I wrote a love poem that is simultaneously in English and Java!  Is it sappy?  Yep.  Is it nerdy?  Hells yep.  And am I proud of it?  To…ta…ly!!!

Okay, first off, here’s the poem:

/*I see you in*/ class
You {double my; //happiness
long as; You are; //'round

static //and quiet
public/*ly I can't show how
Much you mean to me*/

/*My life's been a*/ void
main/*ly a*/( String of[]){ //failures
{}You make; //me hopeful

/*One day in class*/ You
Wear; /*a gorgeous dress and I
Choose to take the dive*/

/*I say I love*/ You
But; You don//'t reciprocate
;//Sheepishly I leave

/*I*/ try {//to move on
System//ize my life and just
/*Throw*/ .out //emotions

//Still my pen won't stop
/*I feel I must*/ .print( /*some lines
Telling*/ of[0] //my thoughts

/*Why*/+" is "+//it the case
/*That we cannot all be*/ "loved");//?
}/*This is love's big*/ catch

/*But then I find a
Truth without*/ (Exception and){}
finally {//I see

/*You may not be loved
By those whom you fancy most
But someone loves you*/}}}

Now, you can read that as it is, but if you know your away around Java, you can save it in a file called You.java and compile it.  It has no dependencies and compiles and runs without any errors.  If you’re lazy, download it here: You (60) Even better, if you pass it your name as a command line parameter, it has a special message to you, from me!

Finally, since I’m super duper nerdy, I made sure that anyone could clean the code into a readable English poem, by removing every instance of the following thirteen characters: /*{;([])}.0+”

Hell, it’s so easy, even a computer could do it!  (Are you noticing a pattern here?  I’m preparing for the arrival of my inevitable bionic fans )

This program cleans up You.java and prints it out nicely for you: You (60)

Aaaaaaaaaaand….I’m done!